"Mars is a lonely place."
"Is that right?"
"It's a wasteland of solitude."

Maybe I shouldn't be lonely, but the word fits one who is the Princess of Mars. I walk around Earth, sometimes in totally confusion, misunderstanding the concept of being around others.

I could wrap myself up in my loneliness and keep myself warm with the blanket, but eventually the warmth subsides and I'm left with nothing but a memory of once was. A memory I created. Trying to understand.

Mars is my home. It always will be. I shouldn't reject, even if I do sometimes.

This is how it is. 

I stand at the Moon's Port, gazing off into the endless sea of stars and wonder...

"What's there to be, but lonely?"

"What do you do?"
"Survive."
"And how's that going?"
"I'm doing my best."

I remember as a young girl sitting on my rooftop looking up at the cosmic night sky. Every once in a while I'd see a shooting star. I'd wish that I'd have some direction in my life. Something that made sense. Made me think it was meant to be or I was meant to have a concrete idea of a career I count stand on my own two feet with. Something I could call mine; through blood, sweat, and tears.

I think back to that lonely girl and wish I could give her some comfort. But, I don't have an answer yet.

I'm still lost in the void of this world. Trying to live day to day with the hopes of understanding myself better. 

My biggest fear is not being able to stand on my own two feet with what I truly love to do. I don't want to drown in a black hole of despise for a job that doesn't provide gratification. 

So, here I am, scrambling to make money to survive while continuing the passions I have.

Even if only few hear my music or see my photography, at the very least I can say is I tried.

But I don't want to just try. I want to succeed.

"What is wrong with me?" I keep thinking. I'm staring off into space. There's this void in front of me. Suddenly I feel nothing. Because it's far less painful to feel nothing. I'm out of my body again. But I want to feel something. But I get headaches now when I feel. What am I supposed to be feeling?
Regardless, I am trying to hide this. Keep my thoughts to myself. If I smile a lot no one will notice. Don't let anyone know I'm thinking incredibly ridiculous things. Stay off in the corner and cry so no one sees. 

But this doesn't work. And the cracks are showing. 

Anxiety is asking a few questions in a patterned row. The person you're talking to hears the same question, but your perception is you are asking different questions.  
Alas, thus a true Martian feels differently. Do my words sound just? Are they inventive enough? Perhaps I'm talking to a void and no one really is listening. Where do I go wrong? What am I even trying to say? 
Maybe I'm trying to ask if anyone else feels this way? But I don't think I've explained what feeling I'm feeling in the first place...

So then.... what? 

In the mists of our adventure 
I turned you to and said 
"Thank you for being here, 
let's get lost together." 
A smile and nod 
was the only thing needed 
yet you told me anyway, 
"forever and ever baby."

I felt so pretty this weekend.
You may never hear me say that again.
April 7th is a special today, yet perhaps, it has nothing to do with my looks.
When I have dreams, they register as memories, and are left there for me to look over whenever need be. I've been subconsciously going back to that one of me singing at the bar. I think something like that makes me feel pretty. Has nothing to do with my features, but more so that I'm doing something I love and people are enjoying the outcome of it.
To, so it seems, make people smile... or feel something that they otherwise wouldn't feel in their daily lives. I believe this is why my music tends to take a dreamy tone nowadays. Dreamy and Martian. My extended stay to Earth has been nice.

But, I think, it was the look in your eyes. Yes. Subtle, maybe, but for me it was shining true. Shining so brightly, it took my breath away. I was frozen in an everlasting moment, just how I wanted it to be. I felt completely calm, maybe for the first time in my life. Ah, yes, this is how it should be. 

This is meant to be.

I'll forever be singing in my dreams.

I had a dream
a glimpse of hope
you were by my side
and for a short while
I was free from reality
able to travel the galaxy
hand in hand infinity
maybe it's all
I ever really needed

Lovely.

"What a terrible feat."
"What is?"
"Just being here."
"..."
"I can't pretend I don't see it."
"I know."
"So why does the world try to hide it?"
"I'm sure it's because it's embarrassed."

光を探して・・・

When I look up at the night sky, I don't see the stars. It upsets me. The city lights are too bright. I want to see them shine, just for me. My castle alone causes too much light. How is this possible on such a barren wasteland such as Mars?
I must be a fool, right? 
The universe doesn't do me any favors.
I have never been it's favorite.
But I am someone's favorite somewhere.

I finally understand what love is.

Whether sad or happy, I tend to drift to music.
Maybe to complete the feeling or emotion.

At the moment, I may be stressed, but my life is happy.
I am optimistic, even when I shouldn't be.
​It will be okay... right?