Whether sad or happy, I tend to drift to music.
Maybe to complete the feeling or emotion.
At the moment, I may be stressed, but my life is happy.
I am optimistic, even when I shouldn't be.
It will be okay... right?
It's as you said
in a dream you visited
brushed back the darkness
just a little spirited
enough to create warmth
in a cold place
lingering as if
you're still here no chase
deep in my heart
exist no standstill
until we cross the cosmos
understanding the thrill
a joy to get lost
with you in the after thought
all I need is your hand
silver dreams wrought
Had wondered what it felt like.
Bounce around freely, no care in the world.
Waving to those who passed by in their rockets.
Tourists. See? Not so bad out here.
Sure, we all live in bubbles. Necessary to keep the oxygen in. Still, if able, perhaps seeing outside the gravity of our current state would be nice. Learn a bit about the universe, or others, or even oneself.
I trust at least I'm not the only one looking for more.
For now I shall play my music as a calling.
Echoing through space.
Can a Martian fall in love with an Earthling?
I've always considered myself odd. Able to adapt to surroundings, sure, but still not able to truly fit in with the environment.
Princess of Mars, my kingdom's always been open, but most don't visit. It is pretty far of a journey to travel, and I understand the cultural differences are strange to most.
Still some make it here. And they have a good time.
I'm okay with that...
Run, Alice, run.
The blue shines too bright
in the light
of the world around
catching stars for their own
burning bridges you've known
all goes around and around
So run, Alice, run.
I like music from around the world. Hence the Rammstein wall hang.
To me I can't breathe without melodies.
Maybe this is one reason why I create my own.
But there's a song for every mood.
I really like that.
Fog is no match for a Kamehameha right?
Sure we see the change.
Across a decade and rearranged.
Maybe the moments seem small and misunderstood.
But take it from me it's more than good.
Believe that time can change drastically.
Calling upon this cold hard breeze actively.
I'll let you take the mystic acre.
Arise in brink my sweet troublemaker.
Halloween is the time for dressing up and pretending to be someone your not.
However. It seems.
This Halloween was different.
Yeah, I dressed up as a character. One I've done before.
Tifa, yeah, she's great. I kinda look like her I'm told.
That all being said, this year was different, I wasn't trying to be cool.
Dare say, in fact, I was being myself, completely regardless of the outside intake.
This time, I wanted to be myself, to show someone I care about that this is me.
I think it worked, actually, I care and maybe, I found myself a new friend and partner in crime.
Feels amazing right now.
Haven't had it before.
I never wanna give it up.
No, I know now.
This is mine forever and now.
Took various months of torture, but my new smile is finally free!
Getting my braces off was a wonderful feeling.
Time to take on the world! One smile at a time!
"How can you move forward if you keep regretting the past?"
I want to talk about memories; the power to create, warp, and bend memories into our liking...
I enjoy that fact of human life.
My dear, the world is hopelessly boring... it's time to make some memories to make it better.
Reality itself is always tainted and twisted through perception and other means of consciousness… therefore memories are created in the individualistic sense. A memory is your own, simplistically it can be shared, but it's really only yours.
When we take a look at what reality has become around us, there's a decision whether to apply that to our inner workings or not.
Say a dream is a dream, but it is still a memory embedded within us. Some memories are easily forgotten, while others stay solid in our heads for years and years.
Do we have the power to choose which ones we keep for longer periods of time? Absolutely, though there’s still a selection process it seems. It also depends on how deep your brain is, how far you're willing to keep things secure, and how much storage space you have in that noggin of yours, right?
I’d like to believe mine is quite endless, possible exceeds most original capacities. I remember very well, though, as a child, I didn’t understand that my brain was wired to remember pictures and sounds at a far more superior fashion than that of text. A photographic memory and a music box remembrance if you will.
Once I noticed this to be true, I don’t forget pictures and I don’t forget music. It just doesn’t happen. I will remember those details very well.
When I read a book, I will remember only what pictures I have stored inside my head, thus many of the words and details are gone in their original natural form.
I’m okay with that. It’s my memory after all.
So, are memories all that reality is? I could believe such a thing, they are mine and no one else's after all. They are yours and no one else's after all. They're applied to daily life always...
Everything is remembered through interactions and the remembrance of said interactions. Weighing the importance of each experience makes it stick in the head for how ever long period of time, possibly forever.
It's too painful to remember,
It's too important to forget;
It's what shapes us as a person...
Can you remember a time when you forced yourself to forget something? ...Did it work?
I can think of a few times when I've done this and I've actually succeeded, but I believe that is merely myself overcoming conditioning in my human nature. A real crisp memory I don't believe I've ever been able to completely erase it.
Now why do I bring this up?
Well, reality, I wonder, can you change it to something you desire and not what others desire for you? It is possible to be completely and utterly you and your memories in harmony & bliss? Do others hinder or help you with this?
Would a part of you die if you cut everything off? Or would you bloom in the radiant solitude?
You are here alone again, in your sweet insanity...
All to calm, you hide yourself from reality...
Do you call it solitude? Do you call it liberty?
When all the world has turned away to leave you lonely...
My memories are beautiful, just yours are...
They bring back something that isn't supposed to exist anymore.
When memories start to fade, I think of them more. I don't want to them to fade and they aren't supposed to fade.
It's like a rhythm to the beat of life, keeps things steady and keeps things wonderful. Beating with my heart....
It's a rush this sort of up, it's like being high. I know I've said this before.
It's like I want to create a whole boat load of memories for myself and just feed my soul with that... and that alone.
I want to world to hear EVERYTHING inside my head so they just know, you know?? That they know...
I want everyone to know... things...
For some reason, I decided to watch Titanic this weekend. Well, no, not the whole thing, just specific parts when older Rose is referring back to her memories...
At the end she says, "He exists now... only in my memory."
Memories are what make us who we are…
We are what we remember.
We are not what we forget.
So how do we distinguish what is remembered and what is not?
It’s like studying for a test of life and there’s just certain information no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot remember.
Should be more focused on something like that? Focusing on our memories in order to move forward, or does that just backfire on our realities?
Like a bad memory, how one can just pop up into your head at any given moment and just ruin what good the day has brought to you in the present.
How past troubles can do that...
If so, does it work the other way, huh?
Is it something that can even be helped? It's like a whisper in your heart when it's too quiet. You can hear it... or maybe you can always hear it, you just block out the sound once in the while.
Some may say the bad memories are supposed to make us stronger, but frankly I don't believe that. The good ones make use stronger, the bad simply confuse our reasonings and our understanding of the world.
I believe human beings know themselves quite well, which is shown in those happy memories; the ones that we find complete and utter joy in remembering and reliving again. The ones that make us whole or make us feeling something.
They show us what we need. They show us what we desire. They us a world worth living in...
Sometimes the happy memories seem to have a dark tint to them, mainly because they are so joyeous and what is needed in my mind, but if they're truly obtainable again leaves a sick feelings to my stomach.
I want them back... I say to myself.
No, the specific memory. Just the feeling.
Indeed, maybe just one memory is enough to sustain me for the rest of my life.
I believe my mind is strong enough... and yet...
Just think of me long enough to create a memory...
It's too scary to know that I could just disappear that easily without it...
What is it about humans?
pulling and proding emotion senses
breaking and rebuilding untamed messes
gluing back together the pieces
and untamed wishes
clogging light from within the shadows
origami fantasy garden in all creases
Being a human is pretty difficult. And yet, as time goes on, the oddities of what it means to be human are getting more perplex.
I read in the news today 「人を殺してみたかった」 A young woman was quoted saying she "wanted to try killing people"... (in which she indeed succeed in this) in Japan this happened.
My initial reaction was simple, 「怖い」って言った。I said "scary". That's it. Nothing more. Frankly, it reminded me of a new アニメ (anime) I'm watching called Tokyo Ghoul. I've had more explosive reactions to things occurring in anime than I had to a real story.
The intensity, that is, that one sentence can harbor. The intensity, that is, that one life can harbor.
I think somewhere down the line, humans have been tainted. I can only wonder when that turning point was.
We are curious creatures. It's only fitting to want to try things that outreach our edges. Regardless of the consequences. Those lines don't exist sometimes --rather-- they are ignored.
They tell us to push ourselves to the limits, but then retract such words if those limits pushed are not in the vague understanding of "what is right".
Telling children to let it go and be yourself, but are shunned for such acts of bravery. Or punished if it's outside the lines of normalcy.
How terrible. This world is killing us. Not all of us, but us. The darkened us. The shadowed us. The rejected us.
I find it rather hard to believe that (our) society is like this. When will the breaking point be? Will the anonymous reveal themselves, or are we just meant to hide in the shadows forever.
Blink and you'll miss it...
I haven't missed it this whole time. Now all the images are printed in my mind. Can't go back. You failed. Can't go back.
The answers are quite simple, yet even with such knowledge it won't change.
What won't change?
Tripping into Wonderland.
What a sight to see.
Is this what you asked for?
Are these the words satisfying to you? Or are you looking for something different? Something more... heartfelt?
Darling, it isn't easy being free...
Musings and such, derived from a place in my heart... scribbled in delight on these white pages. Black ink works wonders on the contrast.